The Cheeses From France are one of those Indy bands that are known by some heard by few and frankly liked by virtually no one.
We played infrequently ( by request) were physically attacked on stage during our first show and never recorded or released a proper album.
Controversy followed us like rabid paparazzi after a teenage skank Yet our actions left a nuclear blast sized footprint that was trodden upon by all who followed us.
Where to begin?
It was the best of times, It was the worst of times and 3 of Broadripple's hippest scenester's wanted to get in on all of this "I'm in a band" tail action!!
We had seen how being in a band had turned The Joint Chiefs Of Staff into Circle City poon hounds and we knew that we had at least THAT much talent.
So why NOT us!?
It was on a hot steamy summer night in 1980 when Mike Sheets, Mike Woods and myself primed Dave Fulton with free Buckhorn and insincere compliments in order to get him to harness our "sonic thunder" on tape in his state of the art studio housed at 916 Broadripple Ave.
He was hesitant at first but the mushrooms we added to the fourth can of cheap suds and non stop lies about how great his band was eroded his reserve in a matter of hours and we were off to the races, ready to rock, ready for our close-ups.......ready to make history!
We were Men on a mission with a clear goal in mind. to rock harder than man had ever rocked before and then get laid.
We felt we were good enough that we didn't really have to write our own songs or even practice them for that matter so we decided to give Neil Young's Heart Of Gold the honor of being the song that we carved into the marble of time.
It was an intense session, Mike's guitar kept going out of tune and he would try to remedy it by praying to L Ron Hubbard for strength and then stomping on the tuning pegs. There were arguments that evolved into fist fights, a drunken orgy of drum pounding tribalism and afterwards we all collapsed into a community puddle of vomit and tears while recording the vocal tracks.
It was the same way ELO recorded.
Unfortunately it was during the mixing phase that Dave discovered what he had wrought and he begged us not to release it. "It was too intense" he shouted, "It will start Stravinsky sized riots anywhere it's played"!
He said producing such a horror and setting it loose on the public would make him the Oppenheimer of recorded music. He then lowered his head into his volume pot stained hands and softly began to weep at the mixing board.
He refused to even make us a dub of it, He said it was too dangerous and had to be destroyed.
Never losing our cool we told him we saw a duck with a giant vagina down by the canal and stole the tape while he was out looking for it.
We spent the next few years trying to find a label with big enough balls to release it but it was not to be.
Even Bob Richert's Gulcher label rumored to have the biggest (or was it the hairiest?) cojones in the midwest wouldn't return our threatening phone calls.
It became obvious to us that playing live would be the only way to take our message to the people.
And so we plotted our next move.
Oh, and the tail action?
Well I don't want to name names but if they're on MFT, then yea we did em.